Usually, when you hear the term “lone wolf,” it is in reference to someone who is a total loner, a recluse. It always has some negative connotation associated with it. And why? Because being by yourself for extended periods of time goes against our ingrained sense of “community” and our wanting to be accepted as a part of a larger group. Although we as a nation applaud the individual when it comes to achievements, we are social creatures by nature and we make great efforts to belong to a group in order to feel accepted. To be anything otherwise would go against the grain.

How many times have you heard of someone going to the movies by themselves and thought it was the strangest thing? Or see someone having dinner on a Friday night by himself/herself and think, “what a weirdo, he/she must not have any friends to go out with.” We attach this stigma to going out in public by yourself. I used to think the exact same way. But once I moved to downtown, I started doing random things by myself, like going on walks and talking pictures, going to a coffee shop to read, or hitting up a pub for happy hour food (the crispy buffalo cauliflower at Public School, oh lord!). The more and more I did it, the more I got used it and felt more comfortable with it. Those moments to myself became and still are quite enjoyable, and I also learned a lot in the process.

This type of thinking begins as early on as junior high when we start trying to find ourselves. Once we decide, we try to join groups that reflect who we think we are at that moment in time (even though we lack the maturity at that age to truly know ourselves, but hey, there’s safety in numbers right?). On my last post, I touched upon the people around you and how they have a direct effect on your level of happiness and success. We are constantly looking for a specific group to belong to, and that is how we allow politicians to divide us; based on our shared interests and beliefs (we won’t delve into that any further, so no need to worry). As much as we learn and grow from the people around us, there are times where you need to be alone. When you need to not cater nor worry about the larger group. We are always surrounded by people everywhere we go and we are constantly connected through our mobile devices even when are alone. So even in those moments, we are still interacting with the larger group, still thinking about them.

But sometimes, and this may be a crazy and scary concept, you have to shut all of that off. You have to be completely alone with yourself and your thoughts, or even without thoughts at all (try meditation, it’s awesome!). You need to have moments of tranquility, moments of peace and clarity in order to recharge your batteries. Personally speaking, I feel that always being in the mix with people and interacting with them can be draining. That’s not to say that it isn’t worth it, but you need to “check out” every now and then. And I’ll tell you why; when you are by yourself, you allow yourself to think more freely, to concentrate, and to focus on yourself (it’s ok to be selfish). You grow in a different kind of way; you learn to be more independent and to do things on your own. You get to know yourself in a different kind of way. You begin to unravel your inner workings. I feel that we won’t reach our full potential and get to the point where determine what we really want out of life if we don’t have these moments of solitude.

At the end of the day, your happiness is solely YOUR responsibility. Start taking steps towards realizing that there is so much more to you than you know. And most of the time you don’t get to see it because you are constantly worrying about others and trying to make sure others around are ok, before you check to see if you are ok. But once you let some of that go, you’ll start to see things differently. So get over your hang ups about being alone, at the other end of that bridge is a better, more self aware version of yourself.

Treat yourself to a moment of solitude, you deserve it.