Yes, I like to quote Drake songs frequently. But this post isn’t about Drizzy, this one is about your circle of friends, your squad, clique, crew, posse, whatever you call them. And that doesn’t just include friends, but also significant others and family members.

Growing up, the first group of people you are surround by is your immediate family, which includes parents, siblings and relatives. As you get older, you go to school and make friends there and continue to have those same friends for quite some time (unless you constantly moved around as a kid, which I’m sure sucks more than a Dyson). When it came to the people around you growing up, you didn’t really have a choice, your options were limited by your household, your schools and your community. You were taught to value loyalty over everything and you were lead to believe that because you were related to someone or have known someone for a very long time that you owed him or her your undying loyalty. But most of the time it is those who are closest to us who do us the most harm, the ones who cause us to doubt ourselves, the ones who take advantage of our kindness and loyalty. And we tend to let it happen because we are supposed to be as loyal as humanly possible (blood is thicker than water after all, right?). And to think or act otherwise would be selfish and self-centered.

As I have gotten older I’ve realized that kind of thinking can lead to a life full of drama and disappointment. At the end of the day, every relationship (romantic, professional, family, friends) should have a foundation built upon reciprocity. Life is about balance; you should put into a relationship what you hope to get in return. It’s not about keeping a running tab, but just knowing that a person who really cares about you is going to make an effort most of the time to meet you half way or to be there for you in your time of need. Certain times, one person may need more out of the other depending on what they are going through at that point in their life. And that is ok, as long as the relationship isn’t one sided the majority of the time.

When you encounter those people who take and take without giving back to you in return, that then becomes a toxic relationship. And that is when the concept of loyalty should go out the window. Loyalty like love, should not be painful nor a burden. You can only do so much for people before you eventually have to throw in the towel and start looking out for yourself. And when you walk away from people, you will be seen as the bad guy/girl, the one who gave up, the one who turned their back. But if you know that you gave it your all for a very long time, then you should have a clear conscience about it. You are not the bad person, you simply decided to stand up for yourself when you came to the realization that you weren’t getting anything out of that relationship. And if that means being completely alone, then so be it (another post on solitude is in the works, stay tuned!). If your circle of friends gets significantly smaller, that is ok. Remember, quality over quantity. One great friend will replace one hundred shabby friends.

We stay in relationships that no longer serve us because we are loyal and aim to please, but you have to realize at a certain point, that if you aren’t pushing each other to be better people, to pursue your dreams, to feel cared for and appreciated, then you are wasting each others time. Life is too short to be surrounded by negativity. As you get older, the days go by faster and you begin to appreciate the little moments more and more. Life becomes less about things and more about time and relationships. You have to make a decision to be very selective about whom you let into your life. You have to value yourself enough to not put up with nonsense out of a misguided sense of loyalty. I can honestly say that I have no drama in my life and it has been that way for a while now, simply because I started to surround myself with good people who genuinely care. I have been blessed beyond words with the people I have in my life. People come into your life through fate and chance, but you ultimately get to determine who stays for the long haul. Just remember, you don’t owe anyone anything, you deserve to be happy. The people around you will play a key role when it comes to your level of happiness, choose wisely.